Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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