She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
