So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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