Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was like eating out sand paper
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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