Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize