I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
