Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
