I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
