just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
