I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
