i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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