If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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