The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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