What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
