Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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