Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
