Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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