I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Damn victory sex feels great
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
