On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
