Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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