I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
