So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
