Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
