when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
