I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
