Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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