The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
