I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sex in a hospital.. check
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
