I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize