I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Someone signed my nipple.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
