I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
