You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
