my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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