the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
