Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
