What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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