I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize