I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
