You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
