you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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