Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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