I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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