i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
