She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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