my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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