Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
