she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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