The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
