I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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