I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry about my life...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
