Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
