oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
