last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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