I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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