in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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