I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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