If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize