i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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