You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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