I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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