I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
