sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
