you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize